What Remembrance means to me: Chris Hedley reflects on 22 years of military service

From the lessons and experiences that have stayed with him to adjusting to civilian life and finding a new sense of purpose, Chris reflects on the importance of resilience, teamwork and looking out for one another. He also shares his thoughts on men’s mental health, asking for help when we need it, and why taking time to remember those who served and sacrificed continues to mean so much.

To start, tell us a little about yourself, your role at Achieve together, and your journey before joining us.

My name is Chris Hedley. I am a Health & Safety Partner, and I joined the organisation in August 2025. Something I was extremely grateful for, because I love the work I do, from hearing the people we support’s stories and helping them to live in the best home possible. Also, I am part of an incredible team. I came into this role having left the military, completing just over 22 years. The learning curve was steep, but there are also a lot of lessons and experience I have carried forward, being ex fire service and a building manager for multiple complex risk buildings on military sites.

What inspired you to join the military, and what did your time in the military mean to you?

I moved from Newcastle to Southeast London at 16 after school, to pursue an apprenticeship in pub management with Scottish and Newcastle. After a year, I found myself on the Strand in Charing cross and saw a forces careers office. I popped in for a chat to escape the rain. I was asked if I wanted to do the stuff they do on the movie “Top Gun”, working on flight decks with fighter jets. Being a naïve, 17-year-old, I jumped at the opportunity and the rest, they say, is history!

I ended up doing a lot of different roles in a lot of different operations and I loved every minute of it. (Almost). Not a fan of extreme temperatures in body armour! My time in the military taught me an awful lot about life, such as patience, hard work, grit, determination, loyalty and above all, integrity. Morals and values which I will carry for the rest of my life.

Looking back on your military experience, what are some of the moments, experiences or lessons that have stayed with you?

There are too many to count. Some are building relationships and trust with people overseas, training embassy staff, being in a real-life top gun scenario for 3 years on aircraft carriers, getting things wrong and learning from them…. and keeping your head in chaotic scenarios and making sound decisions when it mattered.

A role I enjoyed most of all was being a maritime aviation specialist, offering support to 12 different ships. Being on the end of a phone, bag packed and ready to move anywhere in the world within 24-48 hours to conduct maritime aviation operations. That was a role I fought to stay in for 5 years.

The hardest 2-year period was being on a patrol ship for 2 years, based in West Africa. I did 10 weeks on and 4 weeks at home. I oversaw aviation, teaching firefighting, and damage control, ensuring the equipment was maintained, organised and overseeing exercises, organisation of the ships armed security team and their training, as well as HR and personnel logistics and organising their travel from the UK to where the ship was stationed. This role taught me a great deal on task prioritisation, time management, and communication skills with heads of departments and unit command teams.

Remembrance means different things to different people. As someone who has served, what does Remembrance mean to you personally?

I have had the privilege of standing at the Cenotaph in London for November ceremonies twice. What people don’t see is the 2 weeks of hard work and ceremonial training conducted at HMS Excellent or HMS Collingwood in Portsmouth, prior to the event. Every detail matters and we train relentlessly to present ourselves to the very best of our ability to honour the fallen.

What always struck me on these parades, is the Veterans in attendance. The group gets smaller over the years. They are there to remember people they fought alongside with. It is incredibly humbling to witness how they carry themselves and to talk with them and witness their incredible humour.

When I fall silent for 2 minutes on Remembrance Day, I remember family members who were pilots or medics in WW2, those I served with whilst Iraq and Afghanistan were active (I personally did not enter) it is important to say that, and those I served with who were lost at sea on operations and never found.

Every year, it means an awful lot to have those two minutes and remember some amazing and extremely high performing individuals who gave the ultimate sacrifice and died loving what they do. There’s a lot of honour in that. And always to remember and think of the families that were left behind.

Military life is often associated with strength, discipline, and resilience. How has your experience shaped your understanding of what those things mean?

I am not sure I can think of many comparisons to the military, in where these important character traits are needed. There are times where you need to dig deeper than you ever thought you could and keep on going. There are unfortunately times where you need to hold your head up and say to yourself, “nobody is coming to help, and nobody is coming to rescue you.” And you need to make the decisions to get you and anyone else out of a situation safely.

I believe discipline, is not a hard trait. You just find something that is worth getting out of bed for and worth staying up late for. The most important questions to ask at the end of each day is: “Is what I have done today made me a better person? Has it made someone else better? Am I more experienced than I was yesterday? And most importantly to me…..have my actions benefited the group?”. If you can answer yes to those questions, then discipline is worth chasing every day. I honestly get more satisfaction than anything in helping people improve on where they were yesterday. Naturally, I’m going to improve with that. No one is perfect, but we can try and get 1% better in what we do every day. This is how I believe you can shape self-discipline and resilience. Just love what you do and keep doing it.

November also marks Men’s Health Awareness Month. Do you think there are challenges or expectations that can make it difficult for men, to talk openly about their mental health and wellbeing?

As someone (like a lot of ex-military and men in general) who has suffered from poor mental health at times, there is still such a stigma on talking about it. I have been to men’s mental health groups and even then, some don’t want to talk. It is a chance for them to be in a space and group where there are no expectations. We have a game of cards, or darts or just sit and watch a movie, but once the barriers are broken there a lot of common traits. Things have just been bottled up, put in a box, or become so overbearing , they don’t know how to deal with it. I would say find your group. There are a lot of options now out there. There are coping strategies you can learn. We can’t deal with everything all at once. It’s so easy to dwell on things and just keep asking “what if?”. Or “why?”.

Ben Pearson, a former police officer has a great backpack analogy. You keep putting things in your backpack until nothing else will fit. It’s too heavy. Find somewhere to put your pack down or even let someone else hold it for a while. It’s so important but try and allocate at least an hour to yourself to pursue a hobby. The gym, fitness, sport. It doesn’t matter what it is. Even a 20-minute walk twice a day. I do them morning and evening and that simple 2 miles a day, just for me is an incredible tool to have, to organise my thoughts.

Moving from military to civilian life can be a significant transition. What have you learned about adapting to change, finding purpose, or building connections through different stages of life?

I would find it hard to believe that anyone finds the transition easy. And that applies to any uniformed service. Fire, Ambulance service, Military, or the Police. For me, the important thing was to try and have a plan. Then break it down to bite size chunks.

I am incredibly fortunate, because I set my mind on leaving 18 months prior to hanging up my uniform back in 2024. I decided what I wanted to do, pursued the courses whilst I was still serving and ensured everything was ready. A comprehensive CV which has been rewritten countless times since, a career path I wished to pursue and ensured my finances were organised in case I needed some breathing space before I landed a civilian role.

Something I learnt was the need to change the way I work and communicate. Things do not operate the same outside of the military. This is incredibly Important to work on, and it is something that takes a lot of time, effort, and attention to get right.

We often talk about the importance of looking out for one another. From your own experiences, what difference can having the right people around you make, particularly during challenging times?

I have lived and worked with thousands of people from many diverse backgrounds, sometimes in close confines for months at a time. In poor conditions, unpleasant climates, and demanding environments with little to no sleep it’s unlikely you will get on with everyone, all the time. It’s human nature; however it is important to recognise we are all working to a shared end goal. I have had the humbling and most rewarding experience many times of when the chips were down and it really mattered; we had each other’s back. No matter what.

Whether it be operating on flight decks in the middle of the ocean (one of the most dangerous jobs you can do), in pitch black at 3am on little sleep in -3 degrees Celsius for 8 hour stretches, being in full body armour in the middle east at 45 degrees Celsius for hours at a time, or sitting for days on end and not knowing what is expected of us and just waiting……we need to look out for each other.

The same applies in my current role, we all have a shared goal… ensuring that we all work towards giving those more vulnerable the very best life they can live and ensuring they are safe and cared for with dignity. The end result is the same. Collaborative teamwork and looking out for each other to ensure the best possible outcome and learning from any mistakes to ensure we are constantly improving.

What part about military life, being a veteran, or men’s mental health that you wish more people understood, or perhaps a misconception you’d like to challenge?

We’re all different and yet the same. We all have challenges, needs and strengths that can be tapped in to. Almost every person who has spent a significant time in the military has worked in so many different roles, overcame challenges and learned so many skills that can be tapped in to, to make a team better. They can manage multiple tasks, work alone or as part of a team and can communicate extremely effectively. Ultimately, they can be incredibly high performing, reliable and just want to work to the best of their ability.

We’re also not all suffering PTSD from things we have encountered. Some struggle with the transition to civilian life. Some struggle with the increase in family responsibilities they didn’t have to manage whilst deployed. Some struggle with the safety net of the military that is now no longer there. But it is so important to remember that they have a lot of transferrable skills and have a work ethic that is very hard to replace or find anywhere else.

Whether ex-military or not, we all have our different struggles that we manage differently. And it is extremely important and not shameful to ask for help, if your coping strategies aren’t working or don’t follow by the questions mentioned before: “Is what I’m doing making me and my group better?”. Open up to someone, make the jump, and trust the process. There’s no shame in it. Because you and your ‘group’ (family, friends, or team members) depend on it.

Finally, as we reflect on Remembrance, what message would you most like to share with team members across Achieve together?

Be kind to each other. Be respectful, even more to strangers. I have met some incredible people who are battling with struggles in which they keep very well hidden. We’re all here to help each other.

Another is, be patient with the elderly. They have lived through some incredibly hard times and kept their amazing and wicked sense of humour. If they can do it living through and fighting through a war, Then we can too.

Treat each other with respect. And remember why we are getting out of bed every day. Because we are fighting in many ways, shape or form for those who can’t fight for themselves alone.